Saturday, August 1, 2009.

a banner near my house sparked off this post.

it was in chinese, and was about registration in the year 2010.

more specifically, registration for a slot in kindergarten.

that site near that kindergarten was the place of all my youthful (or rather, childish) wanderings. the slide with an ominous puddle, the rotting leaves strewn all over the stairs, the rusting monkey bars - it was a long, long time indeed.

and i didn't recognise that place anymore.

with the exception of a lift shaft, nothing changed, to be honest. the playground suffered from wear and tear, but also got its due refurbishments. the basketball court across the road looked just about the same, with maybe slightly more dents in the enclosure netting. the little shrubs lining the passageway up to my old kindergarten looked exactly the same too, as if the whole scene froze in time.

but i guess, it didn't freeze in time for me.

for me, now when i stare at that place, it does not register in my head as the past. it felt like déjà vu all over again, yet i cannot place it at all. the feeling that it felt like the present yet was the past, as if i saw it through 2 inertial frames of reference.

but all the same, i cannot identify with the kids there anymore.

i see them playing, and i know, deep down, that i was like that once. fighting for the slide, attempting the monkey bars (strangely i sucked at them quite badly), kicking the plastic ball high, out of the court - and then i know, stare at myself and realise, i'll never be like them again.

because i have truly grown up. out from that world, into another world.

truly, i have left that place, because i fail to identify with it again. i may stare, reminiscence at those times where i would crash and land head-first into the shrubs, stare at the all-too-foreign-and-familiar surroundings that i did not see for at least 5 years. but nothing can make me identify with there anymore.

and yes, i know, that part of my life is truly over.

Requiem æternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis.

Labels: Life