Thursday, May 28, 2009.

it's hard to keep things a secret from everyone, hiding your thoughts and emotions behind a veil of happiness and liveliness, when it is so tiring to do so.

am i very lousy?

am i made up of any substance at all?

have i deluded myself this past 16 years?

sometimes, just when you are at the peak of your confidence, something comes. it shatters you badly. and as you pick up the pieces scattered on the floor, desperately mending them back together as a whole, something else comes.

the seeds of self-doubt were sown a long time ago.

and now it's hard to pick myself up again.

what worth am i? am i just over-rated? just a pile of crap, scraping through school through sheer luck and nothing else?

why am i in their league? why are the people i talk to them? can i claim myself to be one of them?

am i good enough?

sadly, no.

and i cannot say my confidence has not been shattered. the thing, the sole thing that powers me along. stop it and i'm no longer there!

i doubt myself now. and it'll take time.

Labels: Life

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