Tuesday, December 25, 2007.

Dear Santa:
I know I might be a tad too late, cause I just came back from Changi Airport (details next time), but I wish to have some presents (shamelessly declaring) for Christmas. Yeah I am a bad boy, I am shameless, whatever. But there's always a glimmer of hope you see.

Unlike most greedy people, I am rather modest when I request for presents. I only want 3 (THREE) presents (SHAMELESS!), which isn't that much more for you, considering you already have 6 billion people who want presents already (after subtracting naughty people like certain people who made a racket at KL about a month ago).

My first present I wish for isn't much. I merely wish for:

all camwhoring to be banned.

I mean, it isn't much right? It's just the annihilation of idiotic people who blatantly waste precious seconds trying to take millions of retarded photos of their poser self, which is really dumb and retarded. Rather, the act of camwhoring. I have no qualms with the people, rather the act is the one which makes me pissed.

My second present is deeply personal and shouldn't be shared here, but well. I merely wish for:

professional penmanship courses.

You see, my handwriting has been the most famous part of me to the teachers ever since primary 1 (no joke here). Yeah, it's nice to win a Guinness World Record for the number of teachers pissed at one person's handwriting, but it HAS to end. I am not going to attempt to get 6/15 for SS EOY again just because my marker was pissed with my handwriting (actually this certainly wasn't the case, but my marker told me to improve on my handwriting).

My third present is quite offensive but well. Please, Santa,

SLIM DOWN.

No one likes to see some poser person with a pot belly walking down the streets and saying out "Ho Ho Ho" randomly right? Yeah it may encourage more and more size 1 models to downgrade to size 0 and for size 0 models to downgrade to size -1, but hey it helps all the dear American kids to get rid of the retarded illusion that Mac's is actually very healthy and should be eaten every second. We don't want more gaps between MEDCs and LEDCs. Furthermore corn prices are rising, so if you stop drinking Coke and all the corn syrup-infested drinks maybe we can actually get to enjoy healthy corn at a cheaper prices (supply vs demand). Most importantly if you go for liposuction and donate the excess oils and fats to poor Soviet-block countries you actually help put Time's Man of the Year out of oil business for some while. Mr. Putin won't like it though.

That's it from me.

P.S. I mailed this to Vostok Base (78°27'51"S 106°51'57"E) cause it just doesn't make sense for you to work in complete darkness 24/7 (not sure though, polar night may not occur for that long due to light diffraction). Anyway I advise you to get a permanent office asap between 90°W to 150°W (it's unclaimed). By the way please be careful, penguins aren't whales, so don't kill them for the sake of "scientific research" (otherwise known as tabemono - if you get what I mean).

Merry Christmas, and have fun going around at x milliseconds/house!

Labels: Life