Wednesday, April 29, 2009.

by all accounts i should be over the moon now.

this week (or rather, the past 2 days) was really kind to me from one point of view. really, i have absolutely no reason to feel sad. after all most other people would just go mad and drown themselves in happiness.

but i cannot bear to.

really, i dunno how many people we hurt as we jumped and screamed and hugged when they announced our results. after everything sank in and being told to sit down and relax, the truth suddenly struck us.

i cannot be happy after everything.

right after everything i rushed over, and i felt very bad. i didn't belong there. what was i doing there? it sounded so superficial, so hollow, so insincere.

and when i saw them all, i literally broke down. for the 1st time in years, i felt a tear.

on the bus ride home i was alone, all at the back, while most of the bus just cheered and celebrated. i cannot fault them; they have all the right in the world (just like me) to celebrate and be merry! after all there's everything to be proud of. i just felt so bad that i was quite a mood dampener.

it's this emotional attachment i have. i will never consider myself leaving RISE until i'm dead or suffer from memory lapses. they are in me; i am in them. i cannot bear to see them like that, shattered, devastated, heartbroken, because i know it hurts for them, and even if i never felt it myself, i can roughly feel how it pains them, because i feel for them.

i'm honestly not at all disappointed in them. they have made me feel so so proud of them. i've never had such fantastic fabulous juniors in my entire life before, and i'm really proud of you guys for what you all have done.

i have utmost confidence and faith in all of you guys. be stronger, bounce back from this setback, and i'm waiting to see you guys all in your next concert, all fired up and happy to make music.

love you all! <3

Labels: CCA